Forcing myself

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So this is me doing exactly what the title says.

I'm forcing myself to do stuff. Whether it's writing in this blog, doing my homework, doing laundry, or going to the gym.

I'm currently trying my hardest to write something worthwhile here, but it's very difficult. I forgot to take my medication, so my mind is all over the place. I really don't want to be at work this week. Or any week for that matter. I'm so tired of needing to work. I just want to sleep for months on end until one day I wake up and want to be productive. I'm almost certain that last part will never happen, but you never know.

Doing homework is the worst kind of slog. It assumes I know nothing and will not let me use my existing experience as a way to basically test out. Not without paying the full cost of the class up front of course. You have no idea how difficult it was to go through my general education classes. It felt like literal torture. It made me question if university courses were in fact as infantile as they looked. I assume it has more to do with the fact that I am at an online only school aimed at working adults, but it was truly awful to go through.


As for the gym. Oh boy. Where to start. I joined a climbing gym in an attempt to use the fact that it is more dynamic to entice me into going regularly. Sadly I'm not sure that they will have enough scheduled classes to make me go consistently. At least, not as consistently as I would like to. I'm really going to have to stretch my time in order to make it to enough classes that I'm getting my money's worth. The first month is only $30, but after that it's $100. Quite the jump. I'm hoping that this will get me hooked on it enough to be ok with the price. I'm not sure that I will like it, but if it manages to be fun, I may at least be able to drag myself to it once or twice a week. I don't have high hopes, as physical activity has never been good for me. It has never felt like anything except exhaustion, no matter how long I do it for. I once did kickboxing classes for about 6 months, two to three times a week. I always just felt like garbage after. Just pain and soreness. People noticed I was becoming more muscular, but that just made me want to stop. I wasn't doing it for show. Luckily circumstances made it easy to stop.


That's it for today I guess.

This is Shift_ signing off.

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